Vehicles and Booze, A Winning Combination!

Nothing Like Co-Opting A Social Movement To Sell Tampons

Yikes.

Success!

Kind of funny right?

BUY AMERICAN.

I love this. This is such classic like, this is, you know, you're supposed to say "This Car Is America" without actually coming right out, but sometimes you can't beat around the bush, you have to say, "Listen. This car is America. Buy it. Look at it. Doesn't it scream 'America'?"

Check Out These Babies.

Oh yeah. That's what I like. You are a nasty bunch of calculators aren't you?

Catherine Deneuve You Fuc-

Oh I can't be mad at you Catherine Deneuve. You're far too glamorous.

Clean Air Act. Good...For Communists!

Clean Air Act. Good...For Suckers!

Yikes. Classic fear mongering.

Too Soon?

Or Not Soon Enough. Yikes.

Solar Energy. Good...for suckers!

Eventually thinks will be good. Just look at this burned, grizzled arm!

Family Man.

Trust the chemical industry. They have kids too. MUTANT MONSTER KIDS! AHAHAHAH! No I'm kidding. They have wealthy, private schooled kids.

User Memory Up to 256KB!

Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooah.

May The Source Be With You

The future of tomorrow, yesterday!

And we're succeeding.

Too soon? Too soon. Yeesh.

For America.

Ah. It seems our nation has always been cuh-ray-zee about energy and solutions and you know, all that other eco disaster waiting to happen business.

JOHNNY MATHIS YOU FUCKING SELL OUT!

Oh Johnny how could you?

There Are No Simple Solutions.

You gotta love the old energy ads. They try to act like they have a social conscious. They're all like, "Hey, tough things are tough. What are we gonna do?"

Only $179!

Act now! Get your parent's permission first though.

Christians Are Learning to Fear Satan Again.

You're welcome.

Dead Drunk

Man, what I wouldn't give to live in a time of .15 BAC. Even .10 seems like a lovely dream.

The Voices Of Silence

Tell ya a story about Rosemary Brown, a lady who was visited by the ghosts of dead composers, who gave her new works to transcribe. S'wild baby. And she lived 'till 2001. S'crazy right? I wonder if she haunts people now.

New Ways To Help

The idea is, they're softening the blow of playing fast and loose with atoms in your backyard by erecting a hotel and offering you as a job as a maid.

This Year, Keep Her in the Kitchen

Charlie Don't Surf

Jesus Christ Life Magazines, Retract Your Claws

Life magazine really kicks the shit out of Dean Martin.

Ouch.

Time magazine taking some pretty cheap potshots at Orson Welles. 1967

I Am Intoxicated With Love

A fairly disturbing story of an out of nowhere life ending freak out. 1967.

Another Dead Hero

From a Deadline magazine from the early 90s. The side of the page got cut off there, I believe it was just the beginning of the bit, I'm Bill Hicks and I smoke or it's just I smoke. Anyway, that's what happened.

Who The Heck Does That Guy Think He Is?

There's Only -25 Years Left!

PAUL FORD YOU FUC-

Oh I can't be mad at you Paul Ford. Rock on.

GE And The Killer TVs

No it's not some indie rock outfit you haven't heard of, it's the terrifying world of 1967.

ENTER THE 21ST CENTURY

"Lockheed: a corporation dedicated to the conquest of new worlds through innovation" Yikes. By the way the population of California is 39 million.

Diet With Sugar

At one point diet didn't mean "sugar free" apparently. This is hilarious, it's all about how sugar is a great mood enhancer if you're depressed from dieting. Ah advertising, you're always looking out for us.

BOB HOPE YOU FUCKING SELL OUT!

NEXT TIME BE SURE

If you think this is an ad for beer, you're wrong, it's an ad for cans. Seriously. Also, drink beer.

40 STORIES TALL

THE FIGHT FOR MEN'S MINDS!

Thank you Union Oil, you're always looking out for the little guy. Some classic red baiting, fear mongering from the bad old days. What's hilarious is that they release this record so people can know the constitution better or something to fight the communists or something, but they're not even giving it away, they're still fucking selling it! Just at a discount to you, the free thinking American. Thank you Union Oil, from all of us to all of you.

Three Cheers for Humanity!

From 1962, an article about the "brilliant white flash" of the U.S.'s highest nuclear test, 260 miles up, a one megaton bomb that caused, and here I'm quoting babies, "the most dazzling-and awesome-display of man's power ever seen."

Huh. that's certainly one way to put it. I'm sure the folks on tiny Johnston Island loved it.

"The sky over Hawaii flared dazzling white, seemingly even brighter than noonday. The light turned pale lime green, thena delicate pink that darkened swiftly to a hideous meaty red. After seven minutes, the glow was gone, leaving the blue-black Pacific night. But when the moon next showed through the clouds, it was tinted an unnatural yellow."

That sounds...healthy. Also check those pics at the top. How terrifying is that? What a country! What a world!

You Tell 'Em Pete!

A Man Apart, Yet Within

SCIENCE MOTHERFUCKER! DO YOU SPEAK IT? Seriously though, this ad is fucking excellent. It's like, "Want to fucking rock out? Have a kick ass life full of awesome ass kicking awesomeness? Be a scientist dude and fucking live like a king among men."

130 Years Of Memories

This guy has some great views on life. "I just sit here and when I get tired of sitting, I get up, and when I get tired of that, I lie down."

Guy who has memories of the Civil War and being sold on an auction block. This is from a late 60s Life magazine.

Classic Military Sexism

Never let the military try to do anything. How can you show the women of America that you don't respect them at all and think they're inferior on every level? Leave it to the airforce.

Fair and Balanced

Oh Time magazine, you so funny. NOW KIDS CAN YOU PICK OUT THE BIAS IN THESE PAGES? HMMM. THAT SHOULD MAKE YOU THINK. BUT SERIOUSLY, WHAT ABOUT THE NEXT J.J. ABRAMS MOVIE!?

Crack The Shell, Pull The Strings

Back in the day, I've discovered this by the way, there used to be ads for just like, ideas? Concepts and things. Not like today when you see an ad for eggs from the egg council, I mean like there's an ad I posted here for "brand names", just for "brand names", urging you to buy them.

This is an ad for ads. I just crashed the internet. Think about that. AN AD FOR ADS!

It's pretty scary when you read it, it's like, "Here is how we get you, see how we got you? Hire us to get others for you."

Scary Then, Hilarious Now!

Really, you were freaking out about privacy before the internet? Oh America of 50 years ago, you are adorable. Also, you gotta love Hammermill's ad campaign, "BE AFRAID! BE ANGRY! JUST BE WRITING ON OUR PAPER!"

Time To Play, Is This Racist?

Did you guess yes? You're right. I think. I don't know!

A Hero We Didn't Deserve

Remember kids, a life spent fighting for the little man will only get you ostracized and demonized by the threatened powers that be! Sell out! Buy in! And maybe they'll name an airport after you!

Majority Vote Bombardiring

I know it scanned crooked, forgive me, it was super hot last night when I was doing the scans and I didn't have the patience to reset. Also, holy shit peoples have some cuh-ray-zee ideas when it comes to how to kill each other.